Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
