Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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