dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
