Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
