Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just had sex on a roof
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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