How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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