is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
