Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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