I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
