Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
