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in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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