My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
