I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
