Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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