just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
