This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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