You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
