You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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