Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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