its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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