I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
do herpes really smell.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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