She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sarcasm needs its own font
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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