she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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