It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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