Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
