i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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