i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
