I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I checked into jail on foursquare
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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