On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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