Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
