can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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