JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
