Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Randomize
