good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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