my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
