I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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