we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
