I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
