cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
