And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
