Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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