don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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