She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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