already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
