the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
