afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
