You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
