sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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