and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
