i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
