Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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