I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
did i walk over a car last night?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
