I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
