i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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