ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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