just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
