I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
