Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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