Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
