i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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