Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
