I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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